Only with Stillness Can you Grow Roots

I haven't written in 5 months!

To sum up what turned out to be the best half-year of my life: Mount Joy, our feature film, is officially in the can. We shot for 25 days, spaced out over July and August. And it was heaven.

And to think it all started with Jack and I looking each other in the eye and saying, "We're doing this, no matter what." And then we pulled a random date from thin air: July 9th.

For months we did everything and anything to make it happen and lo and behold (and not too soon), people -- amazingly talented and incredibly wonderful people -- started appearing before us. Whether they be new producing partners, cast, crew or investors... they began to show up and offer themselves to our vision.

And then it was no longer a vision. It was a real event. It started, a year ago, being the heaviest, most impossible thing to carry and with every step, it got lighter and lighter... and once production began, once we were in Pennsylvania, all 30 of us checked into the Travelodge... it became an event of the highest realm. It was bliss. The momentum and collaboration on our set was always present. Sure, we were thrown incredible curve balls -- earthquakes and hurricanes -- but I felt totally safe, never before so alive and unafraid.

With a brilliant team surrounding me, all of us excited to be in charge of something so great and so much fun -- I knew, without a doubt, that we were all on some victory ride. Life was exactly the thing I want it to be, always... it was the reward. I was not a regular person anymore, I was Superwoman.

Then production ended. We came home and unpacked all the articles that surrounded us for weeks: the costumes and props, the receipts, the equipment and enough styrofoam cups until I die....

I promised myself, during the last days of production, when the tingle of fear began to enter my mind -- that once I got back to NYC, I would NOT lose momentum! I would clean out the apartment, file all paperwork immediately, jog 5 miles a day!! I was afraid to go back to being regular... afraid of being in the constant state of wishing to be Super again.

Then, because I am not a pro-jogger but was acting like one, I hurt my ankle. Something about having loose ankles and my tendon being inflamed. So for three weeks, it's been difficult to even walk. So while dealing with regular people stuff -- overdue dentist appointment, prep for 2011 tax season, look for more work so we can pay off debt -- the longing inside me is screaming - "I'm losing momentum! God, WHY are you making me literally SIT here, unable to even move?!?!?!"

And then in yoga yesterday, I heard my teacher say, "only with stillness can you grow roots."

Which makes me think of a tree.

Which makes me think that what I just experienced on the set of our film was the budding of the flower on the tree.

Which reminds me that it's now autumn.

And it's time to sit still and grow deep into what I have no choice but to experience -- winter.

And just knowing this, comforts me. I can slow down. It's necessary.

Jack says, with all the casual confidence in the world, "this is part of it."

There was pre-production /fundraising (hell, agony and incredible breakthroughs) . Then there was production (bliss! drama! collaboration! In the moment!). And now there is post-production (I'll fill this in later, once I live through it). And then there's a fourth and final stage: distribution and festivals.

So I will sit here... with "the goods" mind you -- we shot a beautiful film!!! And I will use my time to give more loving care and attention to our movie... and I can imagine new adventures... Or at least a grande finale for this one.

Because after winter, the tree buds again.

More info on our film:

www.mountjoymovie.com

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Mount-Joy/167615299932642

http://www.wgal.com/r-video/29227972/detail.html

Mount Joy

Hot Hot Hot!

Now is when things get interesting.

I began this blog feeling stuck, creatively and professionally. Now, I couldn't feel more opposite... and yet, good ol' resistance is still with me... matter of fact, he's a bit louder and a bit more in my face. He's telling me this time... failure could REALLY sting.... Why is the fear of failing so present, when I can't really name a time when I've ever truly failed?

But that's when we know we're getting warmer, right? Like that game we all played in childhood.... when we're seeking an object and our opponent let's us know how we're doing... how close we are.... cold... cold... and then their volume raises.... as we get closer.... warmer!!! WARMER!!! HOT HOT HOT!!!

So if you haven't heard the big news yet, here it is: Jack and I are in full-on pre-production with our feature film: Mount Joy. We shoot in Lancaster PA starting July 9!

7 weeks!!!!!

Life at the Lewars household is 24/7 movie making. I swear, I never thought anything could be so hard... and so rewarding... and so defeating... and so surprising... and I'll say is again: hard. Some days we literally have to just look at each other and say, "Well today sucked. Today was the worst. Today was a complete rejection." But low and behold the next day yields rewards and the wind is at our backs and something seemingly impossible falls into place. We're building an empire. The to-do list is longer than our brains can imagine it is... only time will tell how many things have to be done in order to bring this project onto it's feet. And every night, when the resistance is shouting, whispering and otherwise convincing me that I can't possibly... that it's too much to try... then I have trained myself to say, "I'm tired" and I stop for the night. And the next morning, with the sun... everything is possible again. It's a CRAZY RIDE.

And at the end of the day, we're working on a project we believe in. The script is amazing. The cast we're attaching are real up and comers... people we believe have a real future. The crew is excited to be on board and communicating fresh ideas to us, daily. The puzzle pieces aren't all there... but we're getting close.

More to come!

New Year, New News!

Happy 2011, everyone~~!!

It's been a crazy busy start to the new year! I've traveled, I've conquered, I've committed and I've cut my losses.

First, the conquering:

I've been cast in the upcoming Sarah Jessica Parker film, "I Don't Know How She Does It." Thrilled to be in another big feature! Thrilled that my lines are with SJP herself! Needless to say, I've been living at the gym since I got the call from CD, Doug Aibel. I shoot in February.

As for a new commitment in my life: Namakula and I have found our Kate & Kula Producer!! Lauren Beck, Head of New Media at Moon Dog and Violet Films, has taken us under her wing and is strategizing getting the show in front of networks and web channels. Stay tuned!

And now for the cutting of the losses: I'm no longer a part of the Theater Company I joined in June. I won't get into it too much but I will say that I'm not a teeny-bobber anymore folks and with experience, I've acquired a keen sense of smelling out a toxic situation. And this one was very very stinky. The day after I resigned, I got the call for the SJP audition, which I've since booked. Thank you, Universe.

With my new sense of freedom and time, I also made room for my sister in law, Ruth, and her Australian mum, Trish, to come in for a visit (a blast!)

I also had time and momentum to travel to LA twice in the past month!

LA is a witchy woman and she's been calling my name lately. Just got back from the most recent excursion and I'm happy to report almost EVERYONE came out to play. My friends, my family, my boys Charlie and Leo, and my hubbie even hung out when he wasn't working. Even the sun came out to play! It was a gorgeous 80 degree week. We stayed at the Redbury Hotel on Vine. I highly recommend it to anyone who needs a classy, centrally located hotel in Hollywood. Cleo restaurant on ground floor is killer. Mmmmm fried brussel sprouts.

I hope everyone has had a great start to the new year. Never is there a better time to get stuff done just because you're declaring you want to. Resolutions.

I'll end with a quote for the new year (Thanks to Karen Murray for posting on FB):

"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race”

~Calvin Coolidge

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxox

k

Grand Finale!

Yippeee Skippieee I had a great Sunday.
In the morning we shot our final Kate & Kula episode!


That's 10 in the can, people, and Namakula and I are setting up meetings left and right.

And by 7pm I was on the red carpet for the premiere of Morning Glory.








It's a really great movie, everyone should go see it! I play a producer on the morning show, Daybreak. The whole Morning Glory experience was top notch. I've remained GREAT friends with some of the cast members and working with director Roger Michell and writer Aline Brosh McKenna is a giant highlight in my career. Not to mention working in scenes with Rachel, Harrison and Diane. It really doesn't get much better.

And really, there's nothing like giant high heels and a tight silver dress with the paparazzi flashing before my eyes to put a pep in my step and a new surge of energy for the current projects and characters I am developing. After all, I have to work toward that next premiere!

Morning Glory is in a theater near you this Friday, November 12.

A Great Teacher

George DiCenzo, my first acting teacher, died recently and suddenly.
I met George when I was 16 and took an acting class with him in Philadelphia. My Aunt Mimi, an actress herself, would pick me up from my mom's house and we'd drive over the Ben Franklin Bridge to Casting Director Mike Lemon's studio, where George's class took place. I had only taken children's acting classes before and this was a class of adults, led by George who often used the F-word and was ruthless about "the truth." He petrified me.
But George and I lasted years together. He taught me so much about choice and truth and moment-to-moment. I followed him to NY where I took his class at The School for Film and Television. He wrote my letter of recommendation to NYU and then I took a decade hiatus from being his student. After a 7 year stint in LA, I returned to NY and to George's class at the Actor's Playhouse.
I've had many teachers in my journey so far. Some taught me a few tricks. Many have been hacks. And only 2 have been so crucial to me that I can honestly call them mentors. George will forever be my first. My first mentor, my first real teacher. My first bright lighthouse in the thunder-storm of a career choice. And the wonderful thing about a great teacher is that they are never truly gone. George will forever be sitting on my shoulder, saying in his famously raspy growl, "Do the work."
Thank you George. I will miss you.

Work Hard, Play Hard

It's how my mama told me to live my life: Work hard, play hard. The past few weeks have been a raging example of this motto.

In July I was accepted as a member of Glass Beads Theater Ensemble, helmed by Mari Gorman. This endeavor, to work in new ways, with a new company, three times a week has proven to be my FAVORITE thing right now. Mari Gorman has theories on the art of acting that have rekindled my love, my passion, my commitment to myself and to the art. I mean really, I think I summoned this woman. Anyone who knows me well might have heard my rantings over the past year: "Where is the modern-day Stella Adler? Stanislovski? Meisner? Where are the teachers who can inspire, who can teach me something new??" Mari Gorman is her name, people. I've landed on a gold-mine and I'm pitching my tent.

July was also the month for READ MY MIND.

It was a zany play by wonderful playwright Damon Heath Sager. I played a girl who after being dumped, realizes she's telekenetically distraught. Hilarity ensues in a cocktail party I throw to prove my powers. Dream Quests. Zombies. Suicidal Pigeons. Bent Spoons. Facebook. Although the rehearsal process was a bit frustrating(due to the incredible technical challenges of the play), I collaborated with some great people and in the end, felt really good about the final performances.

August began with a bang with the biggest Kate & Kula shoot yet.

On August 4th Namakula and I worked with 16 actors in 2 locations. It was a huge feat and went off without a hitch. Stay tuned, we'll be posting the episodes sooooooon!!!!

I've also begun shooting a new web-series for young artists called Careers in Photography. In the past few weeks I've interviewed some of the great photographers that are working today: John Hall (architectural photography), Tom Schierlitz (editorial photography) and I also had a big shoot at MOMA and interviewed Curator, Sarah Meister and some of her colleagues. When those videos are uploaded to the web, I'll provide a link for viewing. In the meantime, my latest video features ballet star Jacques D'Amboise (my second project with him!) and his students: click HERE to view.

And now for the straight up "play" part of life.... Jack and I are off to Amsterdam to celebrate 3 amazing years of marriage!!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxxoxoxox

Hope everyone is having a great summer!!

K

When Things Fall Apart

Tough times are afoot, no? Lately, I have experienced more examples than I care to mention that are sad, scary and alarming. It seemed like a theme this past week: Life isn't always secure, life makes no guarantees. 

"When things fall apart and we're on the verge of we know not what, the test for each of us is to stay on that brink and not concretize." ~Excerpt from Pema Chodron's When Things Fall Apart.

So sit tight everyone. This too shall pass, but in the meantime, while the pain or discomfort is present, we might as well sit with it, relax with it, resist it less. Breathe babies, breathe.

xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxo

Ketchup

Hi everyone! Here's a quick ketchup on my last few weeks...
My second Tall Glass screening was a smashing success!! We had over 50 attendees, despite the thunder storm! The films were stellar and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.




Kula and I had a terrific day of shooting at LimeBeat Music on 5th Avenue. Only 2 more episodes to go!




I had plenty of time relaxing and catching up with with friends (Birthday for Rob Gompers in Central Park, Memorial Day BBQ with Stacy in Jersey, Book Club with cousin Sarah, jogging with Jillian)




-- but after all that loveliness, all the socializing and accomplishing.... I realized, through my great friend Colette, that I hadn't been to an audition in months... and it was getting to me. Producing my own work is rewarding and wonderful, but there's something to be said for being cast in a project you don't have to do all the heavy lifting... a project that only needs me to be an actress. So I lined up a few auditions and low and behold, I've been cast in 2! I am playing several characters in a backers reading of a new play by Dale Perreault called ANTEROOMS. And I'm also now a member of Glass Beads Theater Ensemble, helmed by Mari Gorman.
I'm a little addicted to being busy. Jack is nodding in agreement.
xoxoxoxxoxo

Good Day LA

I just got back from a glorious 10 day trip in Los Angeles. How could I have gone another day without a visit with my sister, my mother, my step-dad, grandfather and dear friends such as Erin, Tonia, Katie and Adam? Honestly, I feel revived. My life feels fat, in a good shrimp and grits kind of way. And the food I ate! Oh the food.... Doughboys Oatmeal, Coffee Bean's vanilla iced coffee, the best bloody mary's of my life (yes, plural), endless lavender cookies, shrimp bisque covered in a puffy pastry, Jesus Denis, I will never forget those ribs.... and yes, at one point I fell asleep, next to my mama, with a mouthful of creme brulee. Heaven. Here are some pics I took along the way... in Sierra Madre, in West Covina and Yosemite (Hollywood wasn't privy to my camera).