I haven't written in 5 months!
To sum up what turned out to be the best half-year of my life: Mount Joy, our feature film, is officially in the can. We shot for 25 days, spaced out over July and August. And it was heaven.
And to think it all started with Jack and I looking each other in the eye and saying, "We're doing this, no matter what." And then we pulled a random date from thin air: July 9th.
For months we did everything and anything to make it happen and lo and behold (and not too soon), people -- amazingly talented and incredibly wonderful people -- started appearing before us. Whether they be new producing partners, cast, crew or investors... they began to show up and offer themselves to our vision.
And then it was no longer a vision. It was a real event. It started, a year ago, being the heaviest, most impossible thing to carry and with every step, it got lighter and lighter... and once production began, once we were in Pennsylvania, all 30 of us checked into the Travelodge... it became an event of the highest realm. It was bliss. The momentum and collaboration on our set was always present. Sure, we were thrown incredible curve balls -- earthquakes and hurricanes -- but I felt totally safe, never before so alive and unafraid.
With a brilliant team surrounding me, all of us excited to be in charge of something so great and so much fun -- I knew, without a doubt, that we were all on some victory ride. Life was exactly the thing I want it to be, always... it was the reward. I was not a regular person anymore, I was Superwoman.
Then production ended. We came home and unpacked all the articles that surrounded us for weeks: the costumes and props, the receipts, the equipment and enough styrofoam cups until I die....
I promised myself, during the last days of production, when the tingle of fear began to enter my mind -- that once I got back to NYC, I would NOT lose momentum! I would clean out the apartment, file all paperwork immediately, jog 5 miles a day!! I was afraid to go back to being regular... afraid of being in the constant state of wishing to be Super again.
Then, because I am not a pro-jogger but was acting like one, I hurt my ankle. Something about having loose ankles and my tendon being inflamed. So for three weeks, it's been difficult to even walk. So while dealing with regular people stuff -- overdue dentist appointment, prep for 2011 tax season, look for more work so we can pay off debt -- the longing inside me is screaming - "I'm losing momentum! God, WHY are you making me literally SIT here, unable to even move?!?!?!"
And then in yoga yesterday, I heard my teacher say, "only with stillness can you grow roots."
Which makes me think of a tree.
Which makes me think that what I just experienced on the set of our film was the budding of the flower on the tree.
Which reminds me that it's now autumn.
And it's time to sit still and grow deep into what I have no choice but to experience -- winter.
And just knowing this, comforts me. I can slow down. It's necessary.
Jack says, with all the casual confidence in the world, "this is part of it."
There was pre-production /fundraising (hell, agony and incredible breakthroughs) . Then there was production (bliss! drama! collaboration! In the moment!). And now there is post-production (I'll fill this in later, once I live through it). And then there's a fourth and final stage: distribution and festivals.
So I will sit here... with "the goods" mind you -- we shot a beautiful film!!! And I will use my time to give more loving care and attention to our movie... and I can imagine new adventures... Or at least a grande finale for this one.
Because after winter, the tree buds again.
More info on our film:
