Birthday Blog Entry

"Happy Birthday to youuuu Happy Birthday to yooouuuu Happy Biiiirthday dear katieeee...."
Today I keep hearing my Grandmom Jackie singing to me, with her bubbly sweet voice. No one sounds like Jackie, I still hear her so clearly.

In honor of my birthday, Jack and I gifted ourselves the morning and went to a nice breakfast, we took a few snap shots:

My mom sent me a birthday box in the mail and in it was an old children's book "The Velveteen Rabbit" -  a copy I received on my 5th birthday (thank you Mrs. Delcarlino!).

I cracked it open and read a conversation between The Velveteen Rabbit, a new toy quickly forgotten on Christmas Day -- and the Skin Horse, the wisest toy in the nursery, tattered from age:

"What is REAL?" asked the Velveteen Rabbit one day.
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse, "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

So I've got another year under my belt and yes, I do feel more Real as I mark another year's passing. I feel deeper in my life. I'm getting to know myself better. And a lot of it has to do with love. Loving myself enough to take care of myself. Loving Jack more and more. Loving New York. Loving my friends and artists in arms. Loving my family and taking the time to visit with them and stay connected. And I'm creating work that is meaningful to me, that I'm willing give patience and perseverance, even when the clouds of doubt surround me.

And sure, some of that elasticity around my eyes is loosening. (You'll never see a grey hair, a girl's got her limits.) But I hope when I'm an old lady, singing a birthday song to my grandchild - my laugh lines will be deep. And my heart will be swollen and open and ready for more.

Neeeeeed the Dough

Impromptu Baking Session for Nana and Pop Pop

In the beginning chapters of The Path of Practice, Bri Maya Tiwari talks about rediscovering the ways of your ancestors -- especially the meals they typically prepared.  I don't know about maaaaaany generations ago, but one thing I do recall from my childhood is mom's tollhouse choco chip cookies (hi mom! I tried to get granola in the store, but second guessed it and made them plain!). 

So then the thought beckoned... When was the last time I created something not from this damn computer?!? Sorry. I don't mean damn. My computer, like it or not, one of the biggest tools in my artist tool box. I love you computer (do not even think about misbehaving!!!) 

But dear God, sometimes a girl needs to get her hands dirty in some cookie dough.

And speaking of ancestors, Jack and I have two left... and Jack's Nana is turning 93 this weekend and my Pop Pop has a new apartment. Both of them have a sweet tooth. So I baked a batch. 

Tonight I am a grand daughter. A role I don't usually assume. Feels good! Care packages go out in the morning!

Exploring < Space >

IS EVERYONE AWARE THAT WE'VE LANDED ON MARS???!?!?

The first pic from NASA's Curiosity

Jack and I have been a little obsessed about space lately -- with the newly found Higgs Boson and those crazy awesome CERN physicists who are smashing particles together in a giant 16 mile, underground Collider. Holy shit?!?

Photo of Large Hadron Collider @ CERN By DENNIS OVERBYE

The newer concept of "space" has struck awe in us. We talk about it a lot: That space is not Nothing (no-thing) but Something (everything??!)! And space is the largest component of our universe. There is soooooooooooooo much more space than there is matter!

We might as well throw out the old science text books (aren't they all going digital anyway?) and tell the students to take a break from science class this year -- we'll get back to them once we investigate what the hell is really going on.

So the scientists of the world are not only saying, "Kate, you are space with a little bit of matter mixed in," but yoga also tells me the same thing!

Yoga creates more space within the physical body (let's go spelunking in those hips!) but more importantly it creates space in the mind. What's in that space between my persistent babbling thoughts? A yogi, I think, would tell me I'm in there.
I am the vast expanse.

Yes please. Sign me up.

I'd like to announce (announce? bah! who's listening? hi mom!!!) that I've signed up for my yoga teacher certification (200 hour training starting in 3 weeks).  Not quite sure if I have any ambition to teach yoga (except to Jack, we do a nightly session on the roof) but what I do want to do is explore that space!

xoxo.

Dark Side of the Moon

It's been a very concentrated time over here at Indie City Headquarters, aka - Jack and my Williamsburg pad. Right now, I'm sitting at my desk, reviewing my master Mount Joy To-Do List, which for years now has remained dense, but ever changing and evolving. I've learned that all I have to do is cross things off this list. Every day. A few check marks. Some parts of the list are mandatory and annoying and filled with dread. Others are ideas, avenues I think we should explore. Sometimes I add the name of a new indie movie to my list and I hold myself to attend a screening. Part of what I've recently added onto my Mount Joy list is blogging. Because I'm starting to feel more vocal again - let me explain why:
I'm going to turn around in my chair right now and take a picture of Jack.
Here it is:

In the past year, if you were to question (any day, any month), "I wonder what Katie and Jack are doing right now?" You'd have a 50/50 chance of being correct that some version of the above picture was taking place.
It's been an intense and quiet year. We have taken a look at every angle of our movie, Mount Joy. We have done our best to make enough cash on the side to afford to exist while we continue to hash it all out. Spread it wide, really mold it according to our truest intentions.
A few days ago, Jack pulled his earphones off, turned to me and said, "Can I show you the first 20 minutes again? I changed some stuff."
I sat down beside him (was it the 900th time?) and watch a cut of the new first act, with a new opening. After 20 minutes he paused it and we turned to face each other.
"You did it," I said.
Jack burst into tears. We hugged we cried we whooped for joy.
Mount Joy is going to be great! I feel like shouting it from the mountaintop!
We continue to jump the hurdles and check off the list.
We are close now.
We've shot ourselves through space, been to the dark side of the moon and we're emerging on the other side. We can see you on earth now and we're bringing this baby home.